


SpaceshipClan

by lightningmatt



Category: 17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future - Jon Bois, Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, Maybe - Freeform, Possible Out of Character, guess i'll see lmao, not sure how good i am at writing these characters, probably, will tag more once i figure out what the hell's going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningmatt/pseuds/lightningmatt
Summary: One day, Bristlepaw, Shadowpaw and Rootpaw are suddenly teleported into a completely functional spaceship in a dimension where twolegs are immortal and monsters can talk.This is incredibly shocking to many, and yet not truly inconceivable to others.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	1. Where Did We Come From, Where Did We Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer, it's business as usual.
> 
> For three unlucky cats, it's anything but.

62 Days Ago...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


wow, i go nearly ten thousand years without needing a recharge  
and then i run out of battery twice in just two thousand or so

guess having an actual job would be more tiring! who knew!

well, that's a good millenium's worth of work.

time to go to bed

JUPITER ICY MOONS EXPLORER  
===relevant events calendar===  
september 28 20020: nine and ten wake up  
november 8 20020: hbd nine  
march 2 20021: hbd ten  
may 20 20021: hbd me

alright, nothing comin up. goodnight, me.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


oops, almost forgot to set the commissioner's office to closed

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Present Day  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_yawn_

...huh?

[this is bristlepaw, she exists and her sole purpose in life is to be a window for the reader]

What the-  
Where am I? Why am I in a- a weird metal cage thing?  
Is this a monster, or something? Am I dreaming?

huh? what's goin-

[this is rootpaw, he is an idiot]

AH

AH

WHO ARE YOU?!

WHO ARE YOU?!

  
  
  


what?

[this is shadowpaw, he is a little sissy baby]

WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE AM I?!

what?

AH!

Hey, wait a minute...

Is this a dream, or something?

GET ME OUT OF HERE!

No, wait, calm down-

*smack*

...or do that instead, sure.

...ow, my nose...

...yeah, maybe you shouldn't try running straight into the... oddly clear wall.

Hey, wait...

...

...yes?

Aren't you that ShadowClan medicine cat apprentice that I've heard about?

Oh! Um... yes. My name's Shadowpaw.

My name's Bristlepaw. I'm a ThunderClan cat.

Oh right, I remember visiting you in your camp, when you had just opened your eyes if I remember correctly.

Really? Well, I was definitely too young to remember it...  
And what about you?

I'm Rootpaw! I'm a SkyClan apprentice!

  
  
  


So...

Where are we?

Um... well there's some... what is that?

Well it's mostly clear, and it's hard...

As you found out the hard way, mousebrain.

Hey!

Well... there's some... metal things over there.

And there's some more of that clear barrier thing above us, I think... and some light?

How did we even get here?

Maybe StarClan had something to do with it?

I don't think they'd send us to a place full of stuff we've never heard of...

  
  
  


How are we going to get food?

Um...

Oh no! We're going to starve!

Wait, maybe... um...

We've got to get out of here!

No, Rootpaw! Come back!

It doesn't look like there's any sort of exit...

Hey, wait a minute-

Is there anything for us to do in here? It looks like we're trapped, and it's just a metal room.

Guys, come look at this!

Hm? What is it?

Look down!

...what?

Rootpaw, are you crazy or something? There's just-

No, look out the clear barrier!

Huh?

  


...

...

Stars...

_...underneath us?_

What? How?

We really are in trouble...

hey what's going on over-

AHHH

AHHH

AHHH

GET ME OUT OF HERE

What in StarClan was _that?_

um

I...

Okay, everyone, calm down. I don't think... whatever that was, is anywhere around.

Well, looking outside, it definitely looks like that, at least...

what is going on  
i am incredibly confused right now

You aren't the only one.

...who are you?

name's hubble  
i'm a telescope

...telescope?

What's that?

...ooooookay then  
i'm pretty sure all new satellites were supposed to get at least some basic knowledge

What's a satellite? Is that some sort of Twoleg thing or something?

...  
what the everliving fuck is going on right now

Um... well, I guess we should probably introduce ourselves.  
I'm Bristlepaw, of ThunderClan.

My name's Shadowpaw, I'm from ShadowClan.

I'm Rootpaw, and I'm a SkyClan apprentice!

...  
there are three of you?

Um...

Yes, yes there are. Can you not see us?

okay, there's a bunch there to process.  
firstly - i suppose from what was actually said i could have guessed that there were three of you, but... what? that makes no sense whatsoever? and secondly, no, of course i can't see you, from what i can tell you're likely millions of miles away from me. 

...

...well, that's certainly confusing.

What in StarClan? What's a mile? Why is it confusing that there's three of us? How are you so calm?

uh, ok, so i guess i should ask this to clear something up  
what are you three?

We're cats.

(Shouldn't that be obvious?)

(No, not really, whoever we're talking to can't-)

WHAT

hmm?

Is something-

HOW

Is something wrong?

IS THIS A JOKE

Um... no?

okay, okay, calming down  
obviously you're quite new, and confused, so i won't, uh, like, yell at you too much  
even though this revelation really warrants it

Um... why is this so surprising?

okay, this is going to be a bit of a long explanation. are you okay with that?

Well, it's not like we have anything else to do in here...

We still have no way to get food...

well, could you describe what's around you

Um... there's a bunch of metal surrounding us.

any drawings or symbols or buttons or anything

Erm...

Well there's this thing here that _kind of_ looks like a rabbit...

ok, try pressing that

Are you sure this is a-

Sure!

WAIT-

Okay I-

*brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

AHHHH

What in StarClan are _those?_

uh what do they look like

Uh... it kind of looks like a bunch of small black dots?

  
  
  
...  
  
  
what the fuck

Wha-

how the fuck did you get nanobots

Nano-what?

Um...

oh, right, you don't know anything about anything. um.

Hey, uh...

Hmm?

Those... things, they left a dead rabbit.

  
  
*chomp*  
  
*crunch*  
  


Wow, you're right!

well i suppose we don't have to worry about that  
so

Um...

god damn it. why couldn't this have happened tomorrow, now i've got to explain stuff instead of juice...  
well here goes  
could you tell me a bit about your lives?

Okay! I think this is a good opportunity for us to get to know eachother, wouldn't you say, Bristlepaw, Shadowpaw?

Well, I guess so. How about you go first?

Well, I became an apprentice yesterday!

Oh, congrats!

could you explain what that means

Oh, um... basically, when a kit becomes 6 moons old, the leader makes them an apprentice, and assigns them a mentor. The mentor teaches the apprentice how to hunt, and fight, and all that, and eventually the apprentice becomes a warrior!

a warrior you say, hmm... and i suppose a moon is approximately called a month...  
okay, hold on a moment, i'm going to quickly call someone else. you can continue, i'll still be listening.

Uh... sure thing.  
Alright, I'll go next. Well, life hasn't really been all that unusual. You know, the usual, hunting and training...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


hey, newey?

newey?

MRS. NEW HORIZONS, PLEASE RESPOND.

Alright, alright, I'm here, I'm here... what is it?

ok so we've got a really strange situation on our hands

Um... okay...

frankly i'm not sure how this is physically possible, it just happened out of nowhere

I see...

and honestly i don't know what to do. ugh, if only ten was here

Ok get to the point

ok so basically three sentient cats and an anomalous spaceship have materialized out of nowhere

...you're kidding.

nope.

You can't be serious.

completely serious.

Ok, _**what?**_

i don't understand either

I just fucking woke up why are you just handing the most monumental problem we've ever faced on a platter I am not in the mood for this

well sucks to be you, we've got this problem on our hands.  
and i genuinely do not know what to do with it

Alrighty then.  
did you, I dunno, ask them anything?

mentioned something about warriors, and apprentices, and eating raw rabbits. names are bristlepaw, rootpaw and shadowpaw.

Okay then, hmm  
I'll do some research, maybe find something in one of the internet archives.  
In the meantime, you should go back, listen to them some more, try to get more info, probably just pass the time.  
Maybe we could drag Juice into this while he waits for his girlfriend to wake up

pffffffffffffffffffffft  
ahahahahahahaha  
i'm sorry, hearing you refer to juice and ten as bf/gf just cracks me up everytime

There's a reason I do it :)

alright, that's about it, i'll go do that and you can go try to find more info

Alrighty then. Have a good day, Hubble!

you too

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


...and then, um, I got to go to the Moonpool for the first time-

Woah, really? So fast?

What was it like?

Well, um... I got to meet the other medicine cats for the first time, I guess. Jayfeather was kind of rude, but Puddleshine says he's always like that.

Yeah, he is.

And, um... the Moonpool froze over.

Really?

Well, it _was_ pretty cold, being leaf-bare and all...

Well, Mothwing said it had never happened before, and- well, I'm not sure if I should just go and tell other clan cats all about what we see...

hi i'm back

AH

Rootpaw, calm down! It's just... um... Hubble, was it?

yes

That's kind of a weird name.

well i suppose it makes sense that you never- actually, nevermind that, that's a story for another time.  
so, i suppose it makes sense that you hunt, but training? fighting? really?

Well, yeah, of course! We're training to become warriors!

We're going to learn how to defend our clan.

i see, i see... and shadowpaw's going to become a doctor?

What's a doctor?

oh, right, you have some weird terminology... uh, well i guess that if you're going out and fighting you're going to need some healers

Yeah, and we treat for disease, too. Leaf-bare comes with a bunch of them.

leaf-bare... i suppose that's winter. comes with snow, and the cold?

Yes.

hmm. well, i suppose i should tell you a bit about what i'm like...

okay, so what do you know about, uh... twolegs, you called them?

Oh, uh, they're really weird.

They're hairless, mostly, which is strange, and they walk on two legs, obviously.

They're kind of dumb... they do all these really weird things for no reason, and they don't make any sense. Who thinks riding in a monster is a good idea?

and what is a monster?

Well, they're these huge shiny round creatures that stick to the Thunderpath. They're really dangerous, since they go really fast, and if you get hit by one you could get hurt or even die.

I've heard that they smell really bad!

okay, okay... anything else about twolegs?

They live in these really big enclosed nests, and sometimes the Twoleg kits come to play by the lake, or at least that's what I've heard from RiverClan. Some are nice, but some aren't.

Some of them have to be nice, in order to entice kittypets!

and i suppose kittypets are cats that live with these twolegs?

Yes.

okay, okay...  
i'm not sure where to start with explaining our society

alright, how about this

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


in a thousand moons, what would you imagine the clans looking like?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely do not know what I'm doing, and I'm not sure if I captured the cats' personalities correctly. Oh well, worth a shot.
> 
> EDIT: I have been informed that using art with credit but not permission is in fact not a good thing to do. This further proves that I have no idea what I'm doing.


	2. Two Hundred & Sixteen Thousand Moons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hubble indulges three cats in a philosophical conversation, because he has no idea what he's doing.

in a thousand moons, what would you imagine the clans looking like?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


...a thousand moons?  
I'm not even sure if... us cats can remember that far back.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


We don't... know where we were, even a hundred moons back.  
How can we predict the future, if we barely know the past?

try your best

I...

I've never thought about... what _I_ want to see. I haven't lived long enough to see what could, or would, change.

Things can't have changed that much... right?

let's just say...

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
things will change in ways unimaginable to you now.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


What do you mean by that?

well, okay, let me start with this  
in our universe, cats never evolved to the extent that you have.

...what?

over here, where you are now... the only animal who created society, with leaders and medicine and true warfare and politics, were... what you call twolegs.  
we call them "humans"

What? So, for you... there are no clans? No tribes?

cats are as intelligent as any other animal. like dogs, or bears.

So, if I'm understanding you correctly... in this place, cats never formed groups, the way we have.

nope

That's...

I don't know what to make of that...

well, get ready, because the life altering revelations are coming up, and they aren't slowing down for you  
  


  
  
  
twolegs evolved over time frames unimaginable, to be able to create. to build. to think.  
they built houses, which they live in.  
they built what you call monsters, to travel quickly  
they built a communication network, to be able to talk to anyone, anywhere  
twolegs were considered unstoppable, even more than you cats think you are

Well, considering how dangerous they supposedly are, that doesn't seem too crazy...

twolegs strove for survival, at first. everything invented was to help people survive, to have children, similarly to your clans.  
but at some point, survival became less and less of a worry. twolegs could get food, whenever, wherever. nothing could kill them out of the blue. sickness was limited to only the most debilitating and confounding of sicknesses, and even those could be slowed and rendered painless.  
twolegs began to strive for other things.

Like what?

like knowledge  
twolegs learned. they researched. they observed. they learned everything they could about where they lived, how the world worked. they discovered math, finding endless complications to the base ideas of adding two numbers together.  
  
  
  
  
twolegs played. they found games, to satisfy their evolutionary desire for competition. they had fun, distracting themselves from the real world strife by finding entertainment.  
twolegs created. they built, they drew, they sculpted. they sang, they danced, they exercised.  
  
  
in essence, the mind is endless, and when you don't have to worry about your next meal, or being murdered, you can do anything if you set your mind to it.  
the problems we still face may distract you from that, but it remains true.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
or, did face.

What?

What do you mean?

You can't just... remove problems! There'll always be hunger, and death, and...

well that's the thing, isn't it  
humans thought so too  
for the longest time, we adapted around death. we made religions, believed in god  
found meaning in the life we lived, did things with it  
tried to distract ourselves with the one thing we knew would be inevitable  
for animals are not made to comprehend the inevitability of death  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
then, one day, out of the blue  
on april 7th, a fine newleaf day, in the year of our lord 2026  
death ceased to exist  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


...it was gone? Just like that?

just like that

_What?_ That makes no sense!

indeed, it does not

That isn't possible!

Everyone dies, whether to wounds, disease or old age! You can't just... remove that. The world doesn't work like that.

that's what the twolegs thought  
you know how i said that twolegs found things to do with their newfound time, after survival ceased to be a constant priority?  
research has always been a thing that twolegs have put time and effort into, and this time was no different  
it always took a long time, but twolegs always found solutions to problems, always figured out why things were  
with all the time in the world, it seemed impossible that this would be any different  
  
  
and yet, it was  
they never found an answer

No answer? So... it just... happened?

no answer was found, and that remains to this day. it's been thousands of years. over eighteen thousand, in fact...

...what's a year?

ah, i had just realized that you may not be able to truly understand these time frames  
alright, so you use moons to keep track of time, yes?

Um... yeah.

so in a cycle through all four seasons, that should be... twelve moons, right?

Well, I'm not that old yet, but my dad did say something along those lines, yes.

alright  
call twelve months a year  
the amount of time that twolegs have lived for since that fateful day is... around eighteen thousand years.  
so multiply that by twelve, and you get...  
two hundred and sixteen thousand moons.  
you probably have no practical use for a number that large, actually  
do you even know how much that is

No, to be honest. You're right, we don't ever need to count past a hundred, and... well, I don't know any bigger numbers.

I've never thought about numbers that way! It makes sense, though. There's no reason for numbers to just _stop_ at a hundred.

well, i don't think it matters  
animals weren't made to comprehend numbers that large, for they have no practical reason to  
a number such as a hundred thousand is ridiculously hard to understand  
even twolegs, who do actually deal with those numbers sometimes, never really comprehend just how large they are  
just... hmm, how about...  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
imagine living forever. what would you do with that time?

I...

Well... I can certainly say that you're right.  
Us warriors have never thought about life if we didn't need to hunt, or life if we could live forever.  
When you're never going to achieve those lofty dreams, you don't really see a point in thinking about it. Most of us have probably never even realized that such an idea exists, because for all practical purposes... it doesn't, really.

Personally... I don't know what I would do, if I didn't have to hunt, or fight. What is there for me to do? Play endlessly? Train endlessly? It seems so... pointless!

you could call it so  
twolegs continue to build, to play, to talk, all that  
knowing the fact that this will never amount to something permanent  
eventually, everyone will need to find something else to do, for time is now infinite, and things were made to have an ending  
  
  
  
  
you could call this meaningless  
  
  
  
  
but at the same time, isn't there something... peaceful? about the fact that life never ends? that there is no conflict? that twolegs can now do whatever they want, whenever they want, for all of eternity?

I suppose so.

and you never know  
as we've seen countless times, life can surprise  
and there ended up still being one achievement that would be permanent  
that would be lifechanging  
that would last forever  
  
  
the creation of nanobots, a piece of technology that truly, entirely, eradicated the human struggle, once and for all  
  
  
  
  
and what do i mean by that?  
well, let's just say that nanobots can offer you anything you need  
a, uh, monster, as you call it, is hurtling towards you?  
nanobots can protect you  
food is scarce, for whatever reason?  
nanobots can conjure food for you  
the climate is exceedingly cold?  
nanobots can warm you to a healthy temperature, anywhere and anytime.

I... how?

unlike the disappearance of death, i believe that this has an answer  
but it's an exceedingly complicated one, and very few took the effort to learn it  
there will always be a few, for we live in a society without constraint, including constraints on will  
but very few did  
  
  
why is that?  
well, personally, i think that we've learned lessons from this whole ordeal  
one of them is that mystery is a valuable and precious resource  
we've removed almost all mystery from life, almost all suspense  
so it's nice to have a few unknowns still, both as a reminder that we aren't infallible, and as, well, a spice on the meal that is life, i suppose

...I think you lost me at some point.

that's fine  
not everything needs to be explained  
now, i do believe that you should eat up, as we've spent quite a bit of time in conversation  
perhaps you should also sleep soon, since if your biology is similar to the cats within this universe, you will likely need to sleep a lot  
in the meantime, though, after you've eaten, i suppose you can tell me a few more stories about your lives, and where you came from  
a friend of mine is trying to see if you're from a piece of media or something like that, and any information helps  
plus, your lives are certainly quite interesting!

Hmm... maybe we could share some nursery stories? Dovewing always said that she found it interesting, all the littlest things between clans that would change, despite our grander similarities, and I'm sure Hubble would like to hear it.

Well, since your mom's from ThunderClan, I feel like it'd only be right for a ThunderClan cat to start. Who knows, maybe you've heard some of these from her... hmm, how about we start with the tale of Pinestar? That's a good one...

this is supposed to be a time break

_yawn_

alright, functional checks... done. setting offices to open... done.

what day is it... the 21st. cool. i guess i'm a bit early, cause the alarm hasn't-

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP** _*click*_

well shit.  
well, let's see. who's awake... newey, dawn, juno, spitzer, hubble...

**You got jebaited  
You got, you got jebaited  
You got jebaited**

what the-

**J-j-j-j-jebaited  
J-j-j-j-j-** _*click*_

i just woke up which one of you fucks is calling

hey juice

hubble you stupid ass motherfucker i fucking told you when i was gonna wake up and you call right after the fucking alarm-

ok i know, i know  
i wouldn't call you usually, but we've got a bit of an... unusual situation on our hands

and what the hell would justify calling me over RIGHT AS I FUCKING WOKE UP, HUH?

three mostly sentient cats have appeared in a completely functional spaceship with nanobots inside

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
...okay, fair enough.  
  
  
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why do i have to deal with this right as i wake up

sorry

s'ok, not your fault  
  
  
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

yeah i have no idea what to do either  
i called newey, so she's also gonna be tracking this

god damn it, why couldnt nine or ten have been here  
they'd be much better at dealing with this than we are

sometimes it Be Like That™

you're never gonna fucking let go of that stupid chill covid-19 pop song, are you

excuse me, you take that back right now  
kane brown has such a beautiful voice  
khalid is the master of chill  
and swae lee is an absolute legend

yeah, yeah, you've already said all that... you and your 2010s-20s pop...  
okay, lemme get a quick checkup on the game... and that's done. seems like nothing much has changed

nope, scores have stayed pretty much flat since you've been gone  
well, in other news...dawn and juno made their relationship official, finally

about fucking time! they've been all lovey dovey for so long, and as a space probe i'm no expert on relationships but even i can tell they somehow managed to develop feelings for eachother.  
i guess now we can all watch them flail around aimlessly and take notes on how spacecraft do relationships

heh, that's one way to put it.

gotta remember to say congrats to them

anyways... other than that, it's mostly been quiet. spitzer's been ranting about the new nascar shit, but that's pretty usual, so... yeah.

oh, i just realized  
never got the chance to introduce nine to any of the other probes

well then you better remember to do it when they wake up  
it's coming up soon, isn't it?

yep  
really excited to show ten my game  
alrighty then  
no point in stalling any longer, take me over to these cats, or something or other  
what mess have we gotten ourselves into...

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhhh I'm with Hubble, for I too have no idea what I'm doing
> 
> oh yeah please comment and give feedback so i can have a slightly better idea of what i'm doing
> 
> EDIT: i am a fucking idiot


End file.
